The Art of Conversation: How art helps kids open up: Without you actually saying anything.
Some kids can talk like there's no tomorrow. Others seem less inclined to answer even the simplest of questions. Maybe they want to tell us but the questioning is just too direct.
What if I told you that we discovered a way of getting kids to talk and it's something you can do to.
A bit of context first. We have an activity that far and away is our most popular. It ticks all of the boxes of sensory play with the added benefits of tapping into children's much craved independence and autonomy. What is this incredible activity?
Drum roll please...it's colour mixing!
Using small jars and little mixing sticks. Some art players spend the whole session mixing, checking their colour, adding more paint, mixing it up, checking the colour, repeat.
Is it the squeezing of the paint that they love? Yes. So satisfying! Is it the multi-coloured swirl effect that happens as soon as they move the stick? Yes. So spectacular! Or is it because they are in complete control for the first time all day? 100% yes!
I think it’s a mix of all three – that swirl really is spectacular! But for most of the children I meet, and the parents I speak to, control is a topic that often comes up. Power struggles, tantrums, arguments about every.little.thing. But when children are given an opportunity to be in control, their whole mood shifts.
They might arrive at art class shattered after school and never wanting to listen to another adult tell them to do anything ever again! So colour mixing is the perfect activity to bring them back to themselves and let them zone out. It's repetitive, which makes it calming, which makes it mindful. As they squeeze, stir and paint they relax, their mind can wander and it can chill. No chance of doing anything wrong here or getting anything wrong. It is one of the simplest activities I've found for instant gratification and feelings of success.
So what's this got to do with conversation? Well, let me tell you. during colour mixing, after the calm comes the talk. They talk and talk and talk. About the colours they make, about what it reminds them of, about how to make another colour. And then they have conversations about life. They laugh and joke but also say nice things to each other and reveal things to each other about their day or something that happened yesterday.
And this isn't just a one off thing it happens every time. Why?
Do you know what I realised?
It's because I don't talk. The adults are not talking. The children are in charge of the conversation and they are allowed to take it in any direction.
They feel at ease because the conversation is able to flow without adult interruption.
So how can this help you to get your child to talk? Well you just need to not talk!
If you have paper/cardboard to hand set it out on the table one for you and one for your child or children. Get some brushes, paints and a couple of jars or pots to mix in and just start. Kids will follow your lead and you can follow theirs with the conversation. Less is more and less will allow you to listen and pause before speaking/interrupting.
*Any colours will do but try to include white – it’s the key to that spectacular swirl!
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